November 30th, 2013 - 12:23 PM
Today I was called a liar, hypocrit and manipulator among several other names of a similar sort. In brief, the woman I spoke with is the Mother of a man that has lied to me one-too many times to count over the past few years. I’ve never been called a liar before. I have always tried to lead a very honest life — in thought and in action. I speak clearly and straight. My opinions often lack filter. I am more often than not, thouroughly thoughtful about my relationships and speech. I am blessed by the experiences I’ve tried and endured for the good of my character, no matter how stormy or challenging they have been. I have never once been called a liar. I cannot seem to stop replaying the words in my head. I was accused of manipulating a friend. I am writing this to relieve some of what I am feeling. I will do my best to describe the very long and very detailed events that have led to this painful conversation today, in brief. However, I cannot make any lengthy promises — trying to do this feels as if I am trying to write only the first chapter of a great series.
When I’m lied to, nay, when most people are lied to two things more frequently happen:
1) Feelings are hurt. 2) Trust is decreased.
Now from here the person who was lied to more typically decides between 2 options:
1) Resentment. 2) Forgiveness.
Both take an every day effort and both are hard. Resentment takes up a lot of space in your mind and forgiveness takes time and space of heart.
And more often than not, the road to forgiveness may pass the cross-street of resentment a time or two, but you press on toward the goal of healing: Real forgiveness.
Now imagine being lied to, minimum: 1,095 times.
I think we are all old enough to honestly understand what even one lie can do. We have seen it in movies, sitcoms, television shows; we have witnessed how a lie (or many) can hurt the people that we love and care about, and I’m sure each of us have experienced first-hand how our lies, no matter the measure, have harmed others and especially the well-being of our own hearts. It is not a new concept, it is not a new-age philosophy. Religion and God may not be custom to everyone but no one wants to be lied to. That is universal. And so are it’s consequences.
I have tried day after day to forgive. Somedays I am bad at it. Somedays I am not. But in my efforts to request the decency of truth received, I have been displayed to others as being manipulative, judgmental, and a hypocrit. All I have done, each time, after every lie or broken promise, was to make a large effort to keep my promise to always forgive. I value commitment. I value honesty. When I tell someone I will be there for them, I am. When I tell someone that I will forgive, I do. Unfortunately, there is no button I can press to make that happen. There is no one recipe or bake-time for forgiveness to produce. It takes many things. I will not be called a liar because I choose to be respected. I will most especially not be called a liar because I ask for truth.
And to the woman who called me a liar,
"A man is only as good as his word"
I didn’t make that up. I don’t claim to. But I believe it. It may seem to you, that I’ve made your son’s life more difficult. It may seem like I have created this weight on his shoulders or this cloud above his head when he sees you. I don’t deny that I have helped bring what was already there to the surface; but what has finally come to the light, those secrets and those lies, those are not things I created. Whether I am in his life or not, I didn’t put that on his conscience. He himself cannot deny what he has felt from his secrets. He cannot deny that he hasn’t once or several times found himself feeling the guilt of what his past has brought to him today. I am not the problem. I am the kind of person who doesn’t think sweeping dust under a rug is really finding any solution. Ignorance is not bliss. And a life in secret, is no life at all. He is choosing, on his own, to face his mistakes and to mend them. He is choosing to be a man of his word now and because that is unfamiliar to you - you are asking him not to. He may not be or seem like the person you are used to, but the person you are used to seeing and enjoying is someone who at night thought of things he feared to say aloud; who wrestled with the secrets the people he loved didn’t know. The person you see now is someone in transition. And I may not be a mother but I know that I would prefer my son to be momentarily weighted to get to something greater than to hold it all inside of him in order to create a false illusion of happiness. I would want my son to be free of his own chains which truly, only he alone can break. And I would support him in answering to his own conscience. After all, it is the one thing that helps us each make life decisions - big and small. And it is his conscience that will carry him on as a person through life. At the end of the day, no one can protect him. Not you, not me. It is his conscience, in need of the attention it deserves; To be nurtured and responded to in order for anyone to live a life they can call their own - a life that truly means something real. And the reality is, it takes truth to reach true happiness.
I am not the dirt beneath the carpet. I am just the first person who looked closely enough to find it.
Reblogged from profanesaint
Never seem to fill the hole. I know when the world, it shakes, it can make you ache. It can bring you to your knees. But its not where you go, its just where you’re going and whose the company.
And through the tears we cry, let them pass us by and get washed into the scene.<br> Won’t you just remember me.
—Gavin James, “Remember Me”